On the night my father put his fist through the only locked door in the house to punish me for not having obeyed him - I knew. I knew I had no choice but to go. I didn’t know where or even how - just that I had to go. I was 16 years old. I crept out my window and climbed down the big oak tree, believing, all those years ago, this was my only hope to find freedom.

Words can cause hurt that runs even deeper than burning wounds from a well-placed belt. And somewhere between the drinking, the whippings and the pain the words made as they chilled my heart, my search to find out who I was beyond what I’d been told - began. Although my journey lead to many professional and personal triumphs later in life, as a youth, it was filled with an inordinate amount of challenges - being a runaway, in drug rehab, a single mother, and taking jobs I don’t even want to speak of today.

On the morning of November 11th 2001 I awoke with a paralyzing sadness that seemed to penetrate every part of my mind and body. The thoughts I kept hearing in my head were... I’m not worthy of forgiveness... I’ll never know the freedom I want... I’m not worthy... Everything I had wanted and dreamed of for so long, the freedom that no one can take from you, now seemed impossible. The hopelessness was overwhelming.

I was crying intensely, feeling the weight of the sadness in my heart. All that I had done to feel the pain of unworthiness was playing across the screen of my mind, causing my heartache to build even more. The drugs, the sexual escapades, the work I had taken when trying to support my son, the judgments I had of others, the cruel remarks I had made, the hatred I had carried of my father, not being the mother I had wanted to be... on and on.

I wanted to melt into the floor, just disappear, when a powerful energy began to course through my body. The sensation was different than anything I’d ever felt. In the midst of despair, suddenly I felt all that negativity... leaving me. It seemed to just walk right out the door.

Light began streaming in – to the room and into me. I could feel it in my eyes – it was as though I had suddenly been given a pair of glasses that allowed me to see what I couldn’t before. There was a luminous light surrounding everything. I experienced absolute peace beyond anything I’d known. It was like the boundless freedom an eagle must feel as he soars through the sky. There sensations of love streaming through my body felt silken water, as though I was swimming in a shimmering iridescent sea.

In that moment, I knew, I got everything I’d ever asked for.

In 2004, after a series of synchronistic events, I knew it was time to share what this experience had revealed to me, with the world.